Jen's Column / Makeover

I have a confession. I don’t know how to put my make-up on.

I mean, I can ease some lipstick on my kisser and add mascara to my lashes before dashing out the door. That much I can do.

But I don’t know where my eyeliner is supposed to go, and I’ve never figured out how to match foundation to my skin tone.

It could be because I don’t know my “season.” Apparently this is a big deal when it comes to make-up.

When I was in eighth grade, my friend Nicole and her mom got their colors done. Once Nicole found out she was a winter, everything fell into place for her. She graduated top in our class and lives in Georgia now.

I decided it was time for me, too, to get help. I called Jill Krieger Swanson, owner of Simply Beautiful Image Consulting, and registered for the three-hour color and imaging consultation. (If you’re going to do it, you might as well do it big.)

When I arrived for my appointment, Jill set me to work filling out personality profiles. Having determined that I was indeed spontaneous, energetic and a perfectionist worrier, she set me in front of a giant mirror.
Staring at myself in a wall-sized mirror isn’t usually my idea of a fun afternoon, but it was cool to see the transformation take place as Jill layered different colored swatches over my shoulders. Blues brought out my eyes. Reds enhanced the healthy flush on my lips and cheeks. Oranges, blacks, beiges, rusts, and olives made me look sick.

Guess what 95 percent of my wardrobe consists of. For that matter, guess what I wore to the appointment? A beige shirt with rust and olive accents.

And how many of my “right colors” — the pinks and reds, blues and teals — do I own? For starters, the blue shirt I wear in my official Post-Bulletin picture is the only blue shirt I own. And the reds? I’ve been avoiding them for years. I thought they’d bring out the blotches on my face. Who knew?

Next it was time to pull out my make-up bag and critique its contents — all seven items. Poor Jill. I don’t think she knew what a novice she was dealing with until she saw the motley grouping that fell from my 1996 Clinique bonus bag. It included one black/brown mascara at the end of its life, one eyeliner — which I apply, then smear off, one concealer with the brand name worn off, one quad set of eye shadow in the wrong tones, one too-light foundation, and two lipsticks — one of which I bought on clearance and, according to Jill, that’s where it should’ve stayed.

After giving me a lesson in all things make-up and writing a comprehensive list of what colors and brands to buy, we moved on to the swimsuit portion of the consultation.

Yes, I said swimsuit.

I exited from the changing room in my two-toned blue one piece — thankful I’d remembered to shave that morning — and stood with my back to the full-length mirror as directed.

It’s one thing to model a swimsuit. It’s another to model a swimsuit in front of a full-length mirror. It’s yet another to model a swimsuit in front of a full-length mirror while an incredibly put-together woman measures you and marks said measurements on the mirror.

Fortunately, this part only lasts about five minutes.

And it does have its merit. Combined with the aforementioned personality profile, Jill used my measurements to pinpoint the styles of clothing appropriate for my personality and shape.

In fact, as I drove home that afternoon, I was armed not only with a personalized book of “warm summer” fabric swatches, but a portfolio that included everything from my best belt widths to my most appropriate jacket styles. And — lucky me — it all fits conveniently into what I now know is my grossly oversized purse.